Why do i crave to know that i too can reject that i can just leave that why do i want to be the one to refuse. Its probably that stupid projection syndromme that desire to reclaim lost face. … lost dignity – thats sugar coating it.it’s just ego isnt it? Shallow selfish ego
I dont want to be the one trying i dont want to wear my heart on my sleeves – its too tattered from my own resentment eating it away
But i shouldn’t think like this – what about all those relationships that succeeded? if i stacked them up against the failures, ive got more to be grateful right
anger and pride are eating me alive. I know that I’ve burned and will burn so many relationships with just this fault alone and yet… it’s hard to let go. it’s hard to let go of that fear – am I being patronised? being played? are you being nice to me only out of a sense of guilt or obligations? I’d rather keep my distance – even if we’ve got blood ties. but the guilt is eating me too
the answer? I should not overthink. perhaps its true. but there’s nothing I can do about that. all I can be is civil. when someone does not see the value in being warm or the ‘trivialities’ of caring there’s nothing in this world that I can do
you can’t hold a hand to hold yours
if someone argues that love is just chemicals – how do you change that idea? maybe they’re right …but what’s the use of being right? whats the use of winning every single damn argument when you lose the other
I need to stop seeing sadness. I need to stop! need to s t o p stop!!! I need to let others feel too… it’s their right to feel the full range of human emotions and I need to trust that they’ll fight their way out of whatever problems they have.. and even if they don’t, that’s ok there’s always another day, another life
Travelling with these girls was definitely the highlight of summer. 🙂 it’s so easy when you have people you don’t have to try with. the friendship and laughter just flows. Doesn’t mean there wasn’t conflict though we did have small fights but I’m glad they got resolved ❤
Gonna carry this feeling of safety and peace in my heart for the rest of the sem. Here’s to a great semester! Hope you’ll have a great one too!
The most hurtful thing you could do was to agree with my own demons.
Was to see the broken things i was saying to myself – things that hurt me to its very 3am core as the solution to my tears
Was to say to me killing all of which i am trying to desperately and brokenly love back as the antidote
you don’t even see that i’m killing me.
And i dont want your empathy
Not when ive to gain it with blunt explanations cheap things i can give to anyone. It sooner kill me than i will.
Ahahaha oh my gosh this was from so long ago!! I was pretty upset over it but in hindsight i was being silly. But sometimes people just need others to see the best in them to recover, to see the hope or to see nothing at all – nothing wrong – nothing that dooms them to their failures. Thats what hope is.