Between Beats

My heart is in a turmoil, about to explode 

I know it means nothing

I know he means nothing – i mean nothing to him.

And yet the way you look at me as if you’re talking to me – you’re talking to me – but we’re surrounded by people

People

Endless people, prettier people, funnier people, better people

And i’m scared of the moment when you’d realise all of that and be disappointed with me, with yourself for caring at all

Why am i always in this situation? Why am I always so stupid?

!!!!!?
***** i need to stop this rubbish. Gonna stop giving a shit. I need to live authentically, live without fear without this unnecessary insecurity!! People are only insecure when they want something and are afraid they cant get it. But look!!! What is there to be afraid of?? And does feeling like you cant change the situation???? No!!!! So stop!!!

*** wrote this a while back but things have changed so much but i guess my feelings are still real and slowly fading but still there

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