Requiem for the Unrequited 

I haven’t loved myself

Not one square inch of my skin have i treated with kindness –

Spared it from mind’s eye grafting lines into it 

Criss-crossing this way and that till they meet in a pulsing empty chamber

Eating into itself, each pump swallowing lies whole. 

Hell’s flames scorch slowly – ice the wounds with disturbed sleep.

The gates to hell they’re folded neatly under my eyelids. 

Gently, they shake as they arch their backs curling upwards from the soft pillows 

It’s warm like slumber here, the line between the world and mine isn’t the distance of here and there.

 The slow breakdown point that laps like breaths.  

Moving backwards and then dangerously close again, closing in sometimes and relenting just a little. Good days. Bad days. Count them with falling darkness. 
Slipping into the haze. It scares the most before the surrender. 

I can still scream just before the nightly death of consciousness but all i’m screaming for is the sleep that won’t visit

The warm gates of hell, taunting.

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Liquid gold

Flowers of apocalypse,

Grow over everything man has destroyed.

Make a wreath out of this earth, and let the sea be tears that

lap its sides

till all is fire and rust.

What have we done?

DSC00386.JPGDSC00388.JPGDSC00389.JPGSnapped these pics of this water tap near my house protruding oddly out of the field. I have no idea what it’s uses are or when it was installed but standing there, towering over the grass I can’t help but think about how humans have managed to control the very blood of this earth. Its flow, it’s purest from, it’s quantity. Opening one small tap and watching water gush out feels like we have created it in infinity. Yet somewhere else in the world, people perish from droughts and thirst. And someday in the future this water would be  all gone.

What have we done? :c

You have the right to be You

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Freedom to be loved

Have pain and hate abnormal

No it’s not a phase.

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Here’s a super pink and glittery look for #pinkdot the values I hope my society will have as whiskers: tolerance, freedom, acceptance and the valuing of love & life

 

The pink dot movement in Singapore is going through the usual round of hellfire by objectors. But here’s the thing – you can be conservative without imposing your believes, without being a tyrant. When you see the amount of pain, suicide and darkness has been brought to a fellow human being just because some people think they have the right to rip apart the society and deny a living person their rights to live and be who they are, there’d be no way to justify bigoted behaviour. Even if it goes against your believes, no one is forcing your full acceptance all you have to do is to not externalise your believes as a hateful spiteful person. Isn’t it also bad for your own emotional heath to be so toxic? Also is this hatred just a manifestation of a deeper insecurity or a distraction from unhappiness in your own life? Why don’t we all work on our own selves and lives than trying to dictate the lives of others.

 

❤ To anyone who has ever been bullied and hurt by hatred, demands to be ‘manly’ or ‘womanly’, homophobia, discrimination and sexism, I send you my love and support! remember the way bullies behave reflects how they are like and their values. The shame is theirs not yours.

Closer

You are

The evening sunlight falling warmly 

Full deep laughter ringing clear

The person who loves me as we walk linked in the rain, pressing against each other for warmth in varsity hoodies

The first person i trusted in college – the flawed person – music and beer. 

Miracle, gem, the kindest person i’ve met. 

Also an asshole. Also someone i’m embarrassed to admit these tender feelings for. 

Why is loving you so difficult so terrifying yet the only thing i want to do

What have i ever done to temporarily have you? 

***

  • Another friend i love sincerely. I hope these posts aren’t misunderstood for romantic interest/ love!! Friendship is a kind of love to and even though there’s mutually 0 attraction i only have the warmest of affections for them, suitemates and close  friends. I’m sorry for my selfish moments

Innocent Desires

I try to meet you

Around the shot glass

But still i face a wall – it’s a lake really drowning in the feeling that i know you so well i could love you

It’s the deep end. Lifeguards look the other way, and standing on the opposite of parallel river sides you barely see me

How can i try when I’m barely half of you? Point five of an incomplete?

The waves pound harder it’s not working – lives that are irrelevant, boundaries defining the other

You go out to smoke with that other girl instead. I’m nothing like her she’s looks, lyrics, the sexuality of chaos, mess, art

I’m not art. I’m clumsy lines that don’t quite finish well –  

An awkward hug – pushing me to the ground would have been less mortifying.

Sunlight and moonlight disconnection.

And then the odd moments as you press against me shyly stepping away from your artwork

Balance. See the rice grains? The way time counts hurt away? The way you don’t need me

Somehow the winds changed. 

And i’m confusedly trying to trace this to the first moment you let me hug you as a platonic lover – as a friend. 

– still it might not last, might not mean a thing

Might all end so for now, this is exquisite pain. 

***

Not a romantic conundrum but a person i really admire as a friend and so can’t help but love in the most innocent of ways! 

Just a Friend

The best kind of love –

Is the kind that leaves you trembling many later ons 

Seconds on a crowded street, warmth between a full bodied surprise hug and the words ‘no not allowed to go’ 

The kind that doesn’t need the spirituality of True Love or Partner 

Just love from a fellow other -sudden explosion of acceptance washing over. 

And holding my body in that kinesthetic of pulling in and away, melt selves into a singular feeling of security 

to hold into a waking night. 

Learning to feel

Where is your feeling box?

It’s broken. We’re sitting on white tiled in-betweens of cornflakes aisles in the supermarket. 

Ground to realisation’s halt – we’re all alone. Is that what you’re scared of? Is that why you’re atrophying inside? 

Because that’s not all true. Hear the comfort – rusty static mingle with the intercom, break the assembly line production of reality

Feel the fall over again in your head – the way flesh bounces and bursts with willingness to heal – willingness you didn’t have for yourself and must 

Begin to learn.

Earth marked. Release