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How to cope with dissociation… That’s not quite right and then i try depersonalisation. But that’s not it – i relate with the feeling  not the experience entirely. And so i hit alienation. 

And thats when it hits. I’m running away from answers that are already in me – answers that I already know.

And this is what it means to grow up – it means that you listen to wisdom. You stop googling for answers from life that you want to hear. You’ve have start being the one with those answers be the adult of your own life.

I know ive got to sleep early and take care of my health

I know that ive got to start taking care of my parents more. 

I know ive got to stop falling into this pit of sadness and loneliness because they come from unrealistic expectations. It’s entitled and silly of me to think that i deserve things. Or that i can have perfect empathy and understanding – and i’ll be scared of anyone who tells me they’ll give that to me.  Because i’ll be scared of being lied to. Over and over again. Or worse having someone feel that perfect affection for me and not even being able to feel it. 

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