Angels

Ive met a few angels in my life. 

Ben theres something so kind and candid about him. a light in his eyes the softness and kindness in his words when youre afraid but above all its because what you didnt know is that – he was afraid too

LL

Theres something so bright and pure in that smile i caught just outside the bookshop. Quiet sunny afternoons in the balmy heat of quiet stress and the light just crashing all over.

J____ 

Shes very human i musnt forget. But theres that reminiscent kindess and warmth. Reminiscent of what angels are. 

Mom. Her warmth and compassion and her intellect. 
Everyone here on this list and so many more fight their own fears too but we can all do this. We can

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How to cope with dissociation… That’s not quite right and then i try depersonalisation. But that’s not it – i relate with the feeling  not the experience entirely. And so i hit alienation. 

And thats when it hits. I’m running away from answers that are already in me – answers that I already know.

And this is what it means to grow up – it means that you listen to wisdom. You stop googling for answers from life that you want to hear. You’ve have start being the one with those answers be the adult of your own life.

I know ive got to sleep early and take care of my health

I know that ive got to start taking care of my parents more. 

I know ive got to stop falling into this pit of sadness and loneliness because they come from unrealistic expectations. It’s entitled and silly of me to think that i deserve things. Or that i can have perfect empathy and understanding – and i’ll be scared of anyone who tells me they’ll give that to me.  Because i’ll be scared of being lied to. Over and over again. Or worse having someone feel that perfect affection for me and not even being able to feel it. 

People. Person. 

For an extrovert 

You’re pretty socially anxious aren’t you? 

Pretty the type for perfection – seeking failure

– Yours

Rather than grace,

Isn’t it.

Stop. Beating yourself up. Start again,

And breathe

Kyoto imperial palace! 

Is it me? 

I get these huge waves of excitement

I know youre out there

But not with me

Is it just, me? 

Gomenasai

I turn around to see the elderly man lifting my bags – the ones i threw down in a fit of 

Selfishness.

Repentance, 

Hot tears fall on my cheeks

The cold rain hit the ground hard

By Dragon

– Kyoto Japan

Little pebbles

The what ifs 

They weigh on my heart –

The one that stays awake pass twelve 

The things that make it hard

 i may be sad but i must move on

-osaka japan