post break up 2 months later:

my heart is breaking again
the emptiness and the things that im struggling with to put into my life
i didnt lose anything,
all i lost were my illusions
i still have the mess i started out with and now im looking at it painful exquisite mess
i dont know what i want to do
change to be me
or control myself even more
im scare and confused
im trying to walk this journey alone and i im wondering if im still making myself sad afterall
i want to seek help and i want to be loved but the only way i love is to push thethem away becuase im too sacred to trust
maybe i know with a sense of sickening doom that is me.
the problem is really
me.

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