hope

the reason why so much silence permeated the conversation
between you and me – drying
turning into a frustrated attempt to attack you to cover
was because i was
scared
you would love me less
for not being able to love
and for not being lovable: – you did
and when i finally had someone to love
i, not knowing what love is took it to be
a hell fest for insecurity and confusion
but i say all of this in relief
that i am now the wiser
even as i sit in the aftermath of
a heart break
a hard mess
a harsh bleak
fest
of realization making reality.
but
i know that from that approximation of a connection,
someday,
i’ll have it
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