i’ve only ever been able to write from the heart when i was hurt, angry, scared. writing at any other times was futile, i attempted creative writing -it turned out trite, pretentious, removed. i tried academic writing – i had little purpose, opinion, need.
hence writing became something activated when the ugly side of me was scorched and touched, i envied writers who wrote freely, beautifully and with confidence because i couldn’t.
and so writing became a negative thing to me, something that i subconsciously came to associate with the torrents of pain i felt when i went to it or as yet another deficiency of mine.
but that isnt true i found out just this morning as i contemplated this topic. people have always written throughout the ages. i have always written throughout the ages – from diary entries obsessively chronicling my days : driven slightly be the fear of losing the integrity of my self and experiences to the past to writing speeches for debates – usually heavily and thankfully edited by my respected coaches and finally typing out my feelings on this blog.
sure i write mostly when im distressed – but its not that i write only when i’m upset. it’s that i write when i feel deeply. and in moments when ive been stunned by people and life, i write too.
and its okay to not be able to write about any given thing at any given moment. thats not what writing is about.
writing to me, is for me – a process to heal. and for you – a way to help me reach out to you and help you, comfort you. but for now, i’m still too young to have much life advice to share with you. but someday i hope my writing will also be able to reach out to others with messages for others, about things outside of me.
till then, my respect for creative writers and those who strive towards it remains as immense as ever.