Hahaha i love you and i miss you and i hope that slowly day by day we would heal and strengthen
And maybe someday we can come together not in pain and confusion but in pure and blissful love
And its okay because step by step i would take it with as much authenticity as i can possibly give!
Not a fiery kind of pain
Not a fury of tears kind of ache
But a numbing
Of superficial talk and smiles
Of indicators of love and affection
But raw love- like the thinnest film of a bubble’s separation
weight on our hearts that we cant take hold of
And I dont think you really love me and its mirrored
In how i feel for you
In how i fell for you
Denying you feels like
There couldnt be a better option anyway.
But even if i could – you’re already a little broken arent you?
A little emptied out and unfeeling arent you?
A little – much less – able to love me arent you?
And i cant fault you-
When i’m a little broken already
I ache for you
And these niceties and socialties – these prejudice and moralities
I wish and will never –
Rip it all off facades clothes and restraint
authenticate our wholeness
And all that was meant to be
But… it isnt even
When you’ve met your almost soul mate
Your in another life soul mate
Your if-things-were-slightly different soul mate
Your it hurts strangely hollow – almost – soul, mate
You’re no longer mine
I wish i could get rid of lust
Mine and his
Im so unconducive to my own happiness
Oh my fuck i hate myself so much
And im so tired i dont evej have the energy to feel
Im so confused i dont know what to do and im regretting who i am -no- was, to you. Im sorry and i see why you would and should move on
I need to see your face again to know that youre real
To know if we would be real again
But how much do i care