The blind leading the blind,

but better leading than waiting.



anger and pride are eating me alive. I know that I’ve burned and will burn so many relationships with just this fault alone and yet… it’s hard to let go. it’s hard to let go of that fear – am I being patronised? being played? are you being nice to me only out of a sense of guilt or obligations? I’d rather keep my distance – even if we’ve got blood ties. but the guilt is eating me too

the answer? I should not overthink. perhaps its true. but there’s nothing I can do about that. all I can be is civil. when someone does not see the value in being warm or the ‘trivialities’ of caring there’s nothing in this world that I can do

you can’t hold a hand to hold yours

if someone argues that love is just chemicals – how do you change that idea? maybe they’re right …but what’s the use of being right? whats the use of winning every single damn argument when you lose the other

– not that the other cares right?


I need to stop seeing sadness. I need to stop! need to s t o p stop!!! I need to let others feel too… it’s their right to feel the full range of human emotions and I need to trust that they’ll fight their way out of whatever problems they have.. and even if they don’t, that’s ok there’s always another day, another life

birthday set up

it was the perfect set up

capitalism, the media, your friend’s Instagram, human unrealism told you today was going to be perfect

and then it was not

and then there was work

and then there was the hormones of your womanhood

wickedly pulling you into the depths


your legs don’t work. one of them is broken

your heart doesn’t work

emptied existentialist fears are coming back riding on the waves of work and afternoon heat

and you’re too tired to run. you can’t run.

you remember at 19 you’ll never run the way you did for the rest of life.

nothing works – what do people do on their birthdays?


Hold yourself accountable

Oh my god, I have forgotten

that I am not waiting.

Not lacking. I have everything inside to put myself back together.

So no, I don’t want anyone’s reassuring smile, anyone’s love that will lull me back into this crumbling.

I am perfectly okay. This life, this cool after-rain breeze,

this quiet evening I get to keep all for myself,

everyday, all of it, over and over again – for always.

I will fill my heart with evenings, with the peaceful expense of the sky, countless evenings.

They will pass into me.

And still I will be kind to others, to the world. Will not resent the evenings that I hug quietly



another shitty confessional ‘poem’ but girl I don’t care 🙂 I’ll write whatever I want to and be judged however I deserve to be.


I want to look ridiculous

look fiercely independent,

a harsh streak of colour on the soft sunlit pastels of perfect girls

I want it to scream something is damaged,

something is mine

something is

this body, face, mistakes,

these wins. this heart.

they are all mine.

This sphere bleached chemical discolouration

tells you no one can love, crush your illusions for you – I’ll be my own antidote

not yours, not anyone’s.



Get Well Soon

There’s a fire in my limbs

it leaks out in rivulets

snakes south, twists past ravines of

3am thoughts turned second nature even when the sun is up.

Are aches just ghosts of what was once full flesh?

Or are they deadened receptors to the pain that still rears alive?


Why do soft girls grow up?

Grow cold, grow freezing

from all the wet dripping down curves

Brief fever of opening –

body, heart, mind

and finally, eyes.

The last to go, the last to close

Seeing everything into reductions, into chemicals, into an impersonal.

Do these ears still listen to soft wishes?


Wrapping Summer Up




Travelling with these girls was definitely the highlight of summer. 🙂 it’s so easy when you have people you don’t have to try with. the friendship and laughter just flows. Doesn’t mean there wasn’t conflict though we did have small fights but I’m glad they got resolved ❤

Gonna carry this feeling of safety and peace in my heart for the rest of the sem. Here’s to a great semester! Hope you’ll have a great one too!

Breaks in the links

The most hurtful thing you could do was to agree with my own demons. 

Was to see the broken things i was saying to myself – things that hurt me to its very 3am core as the solution to my tears

Was to say to me killing all of which i am trying to desperately and brokenly love back as the antidote

you don’t even see that i’m killing me.

And i dont want your empathy

Not when ive to gain it with blunt explanations cheap things i can give to anyone. It sooner kill me than i will.

Ahahaha oh my gosh this was from so long ago!! I was pretty upset over it but in hindsight i was being silly. But sometimes people just need others to see the best in them to recover, to see the hope or to see nothing at all – nothing wrong – nothing that dooms them to their failures. Thats what hope is.